November 2015

Date written: 25.11.2015

Into a future I never imagined

I honestly never thought I'd own a horse like this. My new partner deserves a proper introduction- he's a 17hh Oldenburg gelding by Lannox x San Carlos. My trainer found him for me at the yard in Germany and we instantly connected.

I was lucky enough to have him on trial for a whole month- which means I got plenty of time to test him out in various settings and get lessons on him at my own yard, which was such a nice thing and a possibility you don't usually get with horses of this calibre!

Born in 2007 he's now 8 years old and have competed up to 1.35m. He's a super scopey and willing horse with a very nice and positive attitude, and he's super sweet to handle and be around.

Safe to say, he's the kind of horse I've always wanted but never had the opportunity to get before. I guess dreams do come true, because with getting him I was sent into a future I never imagined, or well, I absolutely did imagine and dream about it but I didn't think it would come to live like it did.

Date written: 21.11.2015

A new superstar

Read more under the my horse tab .. More info, photos and updates to come shortly!

Date written: 21.11.2015

When your body say stop- goodbye Germany

In quite a lot of times, you know in your mind what you want to do. You have the drive and desire to do it, and you do- it makes you happy and it is what you want. That's exactly the way I felt about being in Germany. My boss and the team was amazing, every day was fun and exciting and full of new experiences and knowledge, despite it all being hard and tough at times.

But when your body and mind don't work together anymore- your mind knows what you want, but your body won't cooperate .. Then you have a problem, which is exactly what I got.

02.11.2015 I was admitted to the neurological department of the university hospital of Kiel. After experiencing strange headaches, eye pain and sight difficulties, stabbing pain and numbness in my legs, arms and back and numerous other synptoms several times, these symptoms came back a few days prior to me being admitted.

Surely a scary experience to be completely alone in a hospital abroad, where far from everyone spoke English but I was trying to convince myself that it was for the best to finally figure out what's wrong with me.

03.11.2015 I had lots of conversations with different doctors and surgeons. To the standard tests I responded very badly to the reflex tests and they said my symptoms were strange- late in the night I took my first big test and had a 40 minute MRI scan of my brain.

04.11.2015 I took the two most painful tests you can take in a hospital- a eeg/emg where they place electrodes on you and give you electric shock to test your reactions and motoric functions and later a lumbar puncture. Under the last test I had a seizure and passed out, and woke up a few minutes later with a butch of doctors standing around me. Apparently I had been blue for a few minutes and they wondered if I was dead .. I refused to take the test again and after they left I was in so much pain I just slept from 5 in the evening to 6 in the morning.

05.11.2015 Apparently I was interesting as 3 different groups of students came to look at me and ask me stuff. Other than that I passed out twice (every time I tried to get up) so the day consisted of lying in bed feeling dizzy..

It wasn't until 07.11 I finally got to come home. The car ride was a horror experience and I have never felt so much pain at once. Untill 15.11, all I did was lie in bed because everytime I stood up I felt like my head would explode.

I tried to push myself more and more, but the pain was constant and worse under pressure. 15.11, I rode one horse, and then slept for 4 hours because I was exhausted. The pain is almost unbearable at times, coming and going in periods but when it's worse I'm completely unable to do anything.

Therefore, I came to the heartbreaking decision together with my parents and boss that I should go home to Norway to rest and go to a hospital where I can communicate with the doctors to figure out what's wrong with me. It was absolutely devastating to leave, and I can't thank the Luther family which I worked for enough for how kind and amazing they all have been to me since I came. Hopefully I'll be back ...

I arrived back in Norway 20.11.2015 and since then I've been alright. Not good, but alright. Hopefully we can figure out what's wrong with me soon enough- but since I know a lot of people wonder why I left Germany, I thought I owed you guys an explanation.

Date written: 21.11.2015

Change is coming..

After almost 4 months in Germany, it was in middle of October-November after we had trained a lot, me and my trainer decided on that Molly wasn't the right horse from me. After I bought her as a "project" knowing she used to do 1.30's but had only done 80-90's the past year, I hoped I could get her back to the level she once jumped at. When I got her she wouldn't even go over a pole on the ground, but we came a long way and before we left for Germany we won our second show together and schooled around 1m-1.10m courses and jumped 1.25m fences.

What happened in Germany I don't know- but maybe the pressure of it all got to Molly. In the start she was good, but as time passed and the training got harder she suddenly took a turn for the worse. We gave it a lot of time and hoped she would get better again, but as we started raising the fences a tiny bit it was like something went down in her head. This was what I "feared" all the time since I bought her, that her confidence was too broken and that when we stepped up a level from 1m-1.10m she wouldn't be confident enough. Which is why I built her up slowly when I got her, and we continued to do in Germany, do it slowly and easy to gradually build her up.

The thing is- Molly can without a doubt jump very well. She's got a great technique over jumps and is very careful. But when a horse have had accidents before (I don't know what happened in England, but it must have been a reason they took her down from 1.30's to 80-90's). It can be very hard and sometimes impossible to get them confident at the bigger jumps again, AT LEAST with a nervous typed horse like Molly and an amateur rider.

I had the choice to keep Molly and force her to something she wasn't comfortable with (jumping bigger) or putting my dreams on hold, which I wasn't comfortable with. Maybe someone else could get her confident again at the bigger jumps, that be a professional, but when you are learning that is not the right type of horse to have, and a rider that wants to learn and improve at bigger heights isn't the right rider either. The choice of selling her was made in the best intentions for both of us.

Thanks to the help of my trainer, we found Molly the right home with great people that know how to handle and work around these situations that can give her a "better life" than I could.

Despite not going to plan, I had a good time with Molly. From where we started we came a long way, and she as all of my other horses taught me a lot.